Myquestions

First things first. You cannot write a  rulebook on love. Given this undeniable fact,  it is with a measured degree of trepidation  that I have dared to venture into the  turbulent and often inexplicable world of romance  and relationships.  NB: – Before I take this plunge, however, I feel it is  necessary to post a very bold DISCLAIMER at this  point. In electing to write on love and  relationships, I am not at all insinuating that I am  an authority on the subject. There is a general  belief that once you start writing on love, you are  trying to be some sort of “Love Doctor”! This is not  my aim. What I am offering is merely an  accumulation of personal insights, derived from  my experience and observation. Whether they  help you or not will be a matter for your own  judgment. However, I hope that they do help and,  at the very least, give you something to think  about.  Now, back to my opening statement. You cannot  write a rulebook on love. The very nature of love  is such that it really cannot be governed by the  rules of men.

It is rebellious, defying any form of  organized structure or regulation. The selfwiliness  of love can be seen in the fact that no two  people’s perceptions about love quite the same;  even amongst those who have found some sort of  common ground and become couples there is no  standard. What works for one couple doesn’t work  for another, what builds one couple up breaks the  next one down.  Yet they all remain in love.  The rawness of love is a source of great frustration  to those of us who would try to understand it. It is  like a hormonally raging adolescent, deliberately  disobeying your every instruction and slamming  the door every time it goes into its room: the  heart. And in the heart, love, like an adolescent,  complains about being misunderstood.  Then there is the heart, another source of  perpetual frustration, oscillating continually  between pleasure and pain, an ever present thorn  in the flesh. “Follow your heart” they tell you, fully  convinced that they have given you the elusive  and mysterious solution to your love troubles,  unaware that they have actually set you on an  express route to disappointment, if not disaster.  You see, the cynic in me says that the heart simply  does not have your best interests…well…”at heart”  and thus is totally untrustworthy. It will convince  you, with warm fuzzy feelings of an ever  increasing intensity, that you are most certainly  “in love” when you are merely in lust or, at best, in  exaggerated infatuation. And this manipulative  tendency of the heart is not some post 19th  century phenomenon.

Indeed the heart’s  reputation goes so far back into history that even  in the Holy Bible, the prophet Jeremiah describes  it as “deceitful above all things”! Aha, the cynic in  me exclaims, the heart is and always has been a  liar!  Yet, the reality is that this is not entirely true. And  I am not a cynic. Despite the craziness and  emotional turbulence, love remains beautiful,  infinitely fulfilling to spirit, body and soul.  Which brings us to the heart of the matter:  everybody wants to be loved. Sooner or later, even  the most die-hard independent and free-spirited  woman wants to belong to someone and the most  notorious womanizer finds himself lying in bed at  night with an emptiness he cannot escape or deny  the absence of someone to love him. Inside every  woman is a distressed damsel awaiting her Prince  Charming to rescue her, and inside every man is a  Prince Charming in search of his damsel in  distress.

At whatever level and to whatever extent  these identities exist within each of us, the point is  that they do exist. It’s just the way it is. And what it comes down is a  desire to love and be loved. But like the raging  adolescent, love doesn’t want to be reasoned with  or burdened with so many rules; love just wants  to be.  From my observation, 2008 was not a good year  for love. The majority of people I know, from  personal friends to Madonna, either had painful  breakups or went through seasons of pain in love  they’d rather soon forget. In 2009, I hope you take  the rules off love and just let love be. We all want  to be loved and the love you want may be closer to  you than you think. It might even be staring you in  the face.

Also see: Should I Stay or Let it Go