Myquestions

Sometimes love just isn’t enough. And the  older and more mature you get and  develop a more balanced view of the  world, the more you begin to realize that this  really is the case. It seems like knowing too  much about life contaminates our ability to  love unconditionally. The innocence of youth  and even the unadulterated romanticism of  adolescence become tarnished by logic and  reason, intellect and just the stresses of the  real world. Sometimes love just isn’t enough.  Sometimes, factors begin to have an impact  on your relationships that are completely out  of your control. And that’s when you find  couples who, on the outside, seem perfectly  happy breaking up and when you ask them  why they can only respond “It’s complicated.”  Sometimes love just isn’t enough. What do  you do when your partner is going through a  real life crisis; and it begins to take its toll on  your relationship and your needs simply  aren’t being met? Date night gets cancelled  more often, the messages you leave are not  returned as a matter of regularity,  conversations don’t end in “I love you”  anymore but rather “I’ve gotta go”or “Can’t  talk right now” or even “I’ll call you back”,  but the call never comes. And you know that  it’s not because you are loved any less or  there is “another” somewhere on the scene.

But a genuine life crisis is consuming the time  and energy that was before almost  exclusively yours. Now you suddenly find  yourself wrestling for your partner against a  sick relative, financial crisis, and new  responsibilities. Only you’re not really  wrestling; you’re being totally understanding  of the very real demands on your partner’s  time that these kinds of things have. But your  needs are also beginning to draw your  attention; piling up until they’re like a week’s  worth of unwashed dishes. And you find  yourself asking what would have preciously  been an inconceivable question: should I stay  or let it go?  Of course, if you’re married, you do not really  have this option, no matter how bad things  have changed as a result of crisis. “For better  or for worse” is not a vow taken lightly and  you just have to stick by your spouse and  stick it out.

If, however, you’re not married,  and your partner’s stress is just too much for  you to handle, you have to ask yourself some  tough questions and make some honest  decisions. Usually relationships will run their  own course, culminating in either marriage or  break-up and moving on, but in the midst of  these kinds of external pressures, you are  forced into accelerating your evaluation of  the relationship. You are forced to ask,  “Where is this relationship headed?” If your  relationship is decidedly headed for marriage,  it’s probably best to just stick it out, because  that level of commitment is as good as marriage in many ways.

If, however, the  relationship is not necessarily a marriageheaded  relationship or you feel you couldn’t  take the “heat” into marriage, it will likely  seriously cross your mind to get out.  Understand though, that getting out of a  crisis-ridden relationship now does not  preclude peaches and cream in your future  relationships. It is an inescapable certainty  that, sooner or later, every relationship will  encounter stormy seas. The question is  simply whether or you are not you’re ready to  face them together; whether or not you’re  ready to take joint ownership of stress and  trials that are not directly your own.  Sometimes people find themselves feeling  guilty because they want more from someone  who is clearly unable to give more because of  something they are going through.

And all  too often, people opt for misery in the name  of commitment. Now, I am a firm believer in  commitment and dedication, but if you’re just  not at that place in your life or your  relationship where you are can subordinate  personal needs, don’t just force it and stay  miserable inside. Wanting love and affection  and attention is not selfish. You also have  needs and you don’t have to be an emotional  martyr.  In the end, the question remains: should I  stay or let it go? It’s not an easy question to  ask or answer. One thing I’ve learnt, even  from personal experience: sometimes, love  just isn’t enough. And sometimes you have to  let a good thing go.

Also see: The Heart of the Matter